The FACETS Model to Clarify Your Internal Experience

Your thoughts and feelings are off to the races again.

Sometimes the experience we are having in our brain and body disturbs us to the point that it hijacks our peace. Our thoughts and feelings start spinning and we end up stuck in a negative mood, acting out towards others, or numbing out to escape the feelings and dull the thoughts.

• Feeling a big emotion? (irritated, resentful, hopeless, inadequate, angry, sad, anxious…)

• Noticing a pervasive thought (or five)?

• Plagued by thoughts that you know are irrational?

• Noticing troubling body sensations?

• Can’t sleep because you can’t shut your brain off?

• Preoccupied?

• Noticing nervous energy?

• Too many tabs in your brain open?

• Troubled by indecision?

• Feeling overwhelmed?

The FACETS model can be useful in all these situations and more.

I introduced my FACETS model in the context of overthinking, but it really has so many other applications. Anytime you are feeling like your thoughts or emotions are running away with you there is often more than just thoughts and feelings involved. Sorting your internal experience out with this framework can get everything out in the open where you can see what you are dealing with.

Just like a diamond, our experiences are made up of different facets.

Often, when our internal experience is negative, we feel like our insides are a jumbled mess. We need to consider each facet to make sense of what we are experiencing. Then we can figure out what we can do about it – or if we want to do anything at all about it. Sometimes just separating the thoughts from the feelings from the facts, etc. helps shrink the issue down to a more manageable size. Sometimes just identifying what the thoughts or feelings are is all we need to bring the issue into perspective. There is a lot of power in naming a feeling and realizing “it does make sense that I feel this way.”

The FACETS model takes our internal experience off of autopilot so we can be present with whatever is going on inside of us and be intentional about how we respond.

To use this model, you use each letter of the word FACETS to write down a certain facet of the experience.

F= Facts. Objectively, what happened (or is happening)? Any neutral person watching you experience it would describe it this way. No emotions, no interpretations, no judgments.

A = Actions. This also could be material described by a neutral observer. What are you doing in the situation? Or because of the situation?

C = Context. What are the bigger things that are going on around you? What happened just before the experience? What season of life are you in? Are there any ongoing circumstances that might be influencing how you are experiencing it? Any ongoing states? You can use another well-known acronym. H.A.L.T. to check in on whether you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired; factors that could sway you to react instead of respond to your circumstances).

E = Emotions. Get specific. Are you just sad? Or are you disappointed, discouraged, dejected, forlorn? Really try to dial into the nuances of what you are feeling. Write down the full range of emotions – often we have positive emotions going on at the same time as negative emotions, which can be a confusing experience.

T= Thoughts. Try to corral any thoughts you are thinking about the situation. This category includes judgements, fears of what could happen in the future, what you think others are thinking or feeling, self-talk, anything that you can catch floating around your head. Even if you know they are irrational thoughts.

S = Sensations. What is going on in your body? If you are having emotions, you are feeling some kind of energy in your body somewhere. It takes practice to become good at noticing where it is. It is important to cultivate this practice, because you might start noticing that you have specific thought patterns that connect with certain sensations. If you can start catching your thoughts at the start of the sensation, you can learn to flip the meaning so it doesn’t send you down a predictable path that leads to more negative emotions. Therapists tend to find this facet very valuable, too, because it can be a window into earlier times in your life when you may have experienced this sensation.

Once you write it all down, you’ll take a look at what you’ve written. This is where you can see each facet as its own thing, and also see how one facet might influence another. Over time, you may notice patterns, like, “when this person in my life disagrees with me, I feel a pit in my stomach and I start having thoughts that I am not enough.”

With awareness of those patterns, you can identify triggers.

• What are the early signs of that person starting an argument?

• What are the early signs of that pit in your stomach?

• How can you slow down right then and get ahead of your thoughts and feelings so they don’t run you off into that space of “I am not enough.”?

Here is an example of how this could play out.

F (facts) – I shared something vulnerable with my partner. After being quiet for a long time, he responded with questions.

A (actions) – Silence. Trying to get in front of my brain on this one, because I have done this exercise enough to know that I am quick to jump to feeling rejected and that is usually not the case. Deep breaths. Trying to notice the feeling of the soft blanket in my lap.

C (context) - Sharing vulnerable things is new(ish) for my partner and I. It still feels awkward and a little scary, but I have had enough experiences to know that my partner wants to understand and support me. It has been a busy season of life, we have lots of bigger stressors hitting our family.

E (emotions) – shame, embarrassment, fear, uncertainty, determination to stay grounded, a hint of accomplishment for being brave enough to be so vulnerable in the first place

T (thoughts) – “He thinks I am nuts.” “He doesn’t know what to do with me.” “He is ashamed that I am having this problem.” “What is wrong with me that I can’t be like other people who don’t struggle with this stuff?” “He deserves someone better than me.” “What if he leaves me because I am such a nut job?” “I can’t read his mind, how do I know that’s what he is thinking? I can give him the benefit of the doubt.” “I don’t know what to say.” “Are we done talking about this? Does he need time to process?” “If he is not going to talk to me anymore, I am just going to go to bed.” “Maybe he will follow me and just hug me.”

S (sensations) – tightness in stomach, warmth in my face (am I blushing?), heat behind my eyes – on the verge of tears, I notice I am fidgeting with my fingers.

I wrote this from the perspective of a fictional person who has been doing this work for a little while. I did this to highlight the fact that this is not a “one and done” kind of an exercise. It evolves as you grow. This fictional woman knows to challenge her own thoughts, she is aware of some patterns already. She has some coping strategies in at her disposal. Even so, it’s not necessarily easy to remember to be intentional when a big emotional wave hits you.

Sometimes people think that when they have completed therapy, they will never have anxiety again. Freedom from anxiety doesn’t mean you never experience it. It’s a normal emotion. It’s a healthy emotion – it protects us and alerts us when we need to notice something unsafe.

Freedom from anxiety means that you know how to stop and consider what is going on when those anxious feelings pop up. Freedom from anxiety gives you the permission and strength to take a pause so you can zoom out and consider that your internal experience may not be founded on fact. Some of your internal experience may be old patterns trying to lead you down old neural pathways.

What was actually going on in this scenario could have played out in a number of ways.

• The partner really could have been thinking all of the negative stuff she was imagining.

• The partner could have been overwhelmed by what she shared and was having an emotional shut-down moment of his own.

• The partner could have been processing what she shared and needed some time to respond.

• The partner could have had his own triggers popping up and making what she shared mean something negative about his own vulnerabilities.

• The partner may have felt the need for more information but wasn’t sure how to ask, wanted to handle the moment well.

Taking some time to slow your thoughts down and center yourself can keep your brain from running away with you. The thoughts you attach to a situation can make things better or worse. Using the FACETS model is a way to ground your internal experience and inform you about what could be happening, versus what could be your brain filling in some blanks with unhelpful information.

Therapy is a great place to get help with those old patterns. They can be deeply rooted, often in trauma. You may need intentional support to start digging them up and planting new patterns. It can be frustrating to start gaining awareness of your thought patterns and find yourself continuing to fall back into them.

I am here if you want help to navigate this process.

Jennie Sheffe is a National Certified Counselor ™ who helps women find freedom from anxiety and peace in their chaos. She sees clients virtually in the state of Pennsylvania, or in her downtown Carlisle, PA office. She offers Christian counseling and EMDR Therapy.