Therapy for Military Spouses

I wanted to see if my story was reflected in research literature.

I found glimmers of it, but just barely. I am pleased to say that I have noticed positive shifts that focus more on military spouse needs since I started my graduate program.

Here are some tidbits of what I learned about military spouses from my grad school projects:

• The mental health of military spouses impacts the mental health of the rest of the military family (1)

• The military spouse’s well-being impacts the way adolescent children navigate the process of reintegrating after a deployment (2)

• Service members have a higher level of marital satisfaction when both partners can find positive meaning in military service (3)

• Unique stressors faced by military spouses include the consistent uncertainty of managing multiple moves and deployments, shifts in and out of solo-parenting status and a perceived unspoken expectation to be resilient through it all. Both partners go through individual changes during deployments, which can be really tough to navigate when they come back together.  Some spouses cope by conceptualizing the military as a 3rd “person” in their marriage (4, 5).

• Some military spouses may silence themselves because they fear judgement by others, they feel a need to protect extended family from knowing how tough it really can be, and they don’t want to cause their deployed service member to worry. (6)

• Actually, both the spouse and service member edit their communications during deployment in order to protect each other. This is something that would typically be problematic in civilian marriages, but it might be an adaptive way of coping for military couples (these articles pointed to a need for more research). (5, 7)

• Stigma, time, childcare, and knowing where to find help are some factors that keep military spouses from seeking mental health help. (8, 9, 10)

• Service members are perceived positively, maybe even privileged, in the military and civilian communities alike, which can pose problems when domestic violence is involved; military spouses may face extra challenges finding someone to believe them and help (11).

• “Service over Self” is often a mindset military spouses take on, sometimes due to a perceived expectation to do so (12, 11, 4).

• Military culture “counts” as a unique culture and counselors should educate themselves about the nuances of living in this community in order to ethically work with clients connected to the military. (13,  14, 15)

• Confidentiality is super-important to military service members, spouses, and children. (16, 9, 10). Some spouses expressed that confidentiality was important because they wanted to protect their active duty partners from negative consequences they perceived could arise because their spouse was having mental health issues. (9)

These research articles are somewhat dated, and many of them represent a small sample size, so they do not necessarily accurately reflect the widespread thoughts and feelings among military spouses. I include these findings as examples of things that might impact the mental health of military spouses.

I am committed to further research on things that impact the mental health of military spouses.

I got sidetracked because I started with PTSD. Since PTSD is so prevalent among service members, I wanted to better understand trauma. I wanted to be ready to help military spouses with the impact of living with someone with PTSD.

This led me to realizing that trauma, especially “little t trauma” is more pervasive than most people realize. People can experience negative effects of trauma without actually meeting the criteria for PTSD. I realized that trauma might come up in my work with anyone, not just military spouses. I found that EMDR is one of the leading treatments for trauma so I followed that rabbit trail. 

I plan to focus my attention back on issues more specific to military spouses as soon as time allows, but life threw me a bit of a curve ball more recently.

My family went through a very difficult transition that prompted me to start Sparrow’s Nest Counseling. I wanted to trade my commute to be closer to home while we navigated our new normal.

As a result, I narrowed the focus of my practice so I would be able to work with what I tend to do best, which is women who struggle with issues related to anxiety.

I know this type of brain, because it has been my brain! I have lived experience overcoming these issues.

Honestly, I think a lot of the anxiety issues I dealt with actually helped me cope with the challenges of being a military spouse. Anxiety is a normal emotion, and it helps us do really difficult things. We can function with anxiety, in fact that is sometimes even called “high functioning anxiety.”

However, the very anxiety that can help us be resilient can get in the way of enjoying our lives. 

I share this to let you know that even though I haven’t been continuing to research the specific mental health needs of military spouses, I fully expect to find the full spectrum of anxiety-related issues to show up in that research. EMDR Therapy is amazingly effective with issues of anxiety, too.

I am continuing to research issues pertinent to military spouses, and have actually started speaking to military spouse groups in an effort to help empower them to cut through the barriers that keep them stuck in mental health struggles.

I understand military culture from my lived experience in it. Your experience may be completely different, but I speak the language.

I am tuned into the burdens you may be carrying. And I may understand why you’ve been willing to carry them all these years. 

I will never forget the first time I heard a genuine word of encouragement from a senior military spouse. 

I remember her telling us “Don’t suffer in silence.”

I am here to tell you the same thing.

Call for a free consultation and let’s do this.