Journal Prompts for Military Spouses
My husband is retiring from the military this year. I have to admit I have become a little sappy about it.
I was not expecting this.
I have a happy-sad feeling that accompanies the sentiment of “Our time is over, and it’s been good (mostly!). I’ll miss it, but I am looking forward to the next chapter.”
It is very similar to the feelings that come up with the transition to being an empty nester, which is also hitting me a bit.
I am grateful for the life we have lived as a military family.
There was a time when I allowed the “military spouse” part of my identity to be too much of my identity.
(I promise I wasn’t one of those spouses who tried to wear her husband’s rank.)
I was just thankful that the military seemed to have a place for me, too. I liked meeting people through my husband’s job, feeling like I was a (very small) part of the team. His time away on missions felt easier on me when I could be left at home with other spouses and activities that connected me to the squadron/base. I leaned on that sense of community.
I felt like I belonged somewhere.
I am thankful that my husband included me in his job enough that I knew what was going on. I know that this is not always the case in military marriages. I could see how deeply he cared about everyone he worked with, and it made me admire him even more.
I’ve written before about that year he had a remote assignment and I fell apart. It was a real turning point for me.
It made me realize that I put too much of my identity into being a military spouse. I allowed myself to be completely wrapped up in this unofficial job. I was striving to meet the expectations I perceived of the quintessential military spouse that I lost sight of who I was as an individual.
One of the reasons I fell apart that year was because I liked doing this military life together, and all of a sudden it felt like I was not needed by my husband or by the military.
That wasn’t actually true, in fact both needed me much more than I realized at the time. As I went through the year, I was willing to step up as military spouse to be there for other military spouses. I was hurting for the other spouses who might be feeling the same way I did.
This was a really unusual remote assignment… it wasn’t like they deployed from one location and we were all together at the home military installation. Spouses were spread all over the US during that remote. In my case, we had been stationed overseas and needed to pick a place to move to the US during that assignment. I was building my new supports at a military installation that I wasn’t actually connected to. I was building these supports without my husband’s job to pave the way.
As hard as that was, I worried about how hard it was for other spouses.
I didn’t want them to think they were alone, like I felt.
I knew, down deep, that we were not alone.
That year was hard to be a military spouse. I rejected that part of my identity that year, even the good parts. I wanted to be mad at the military, mad at my husband.
I remember another military spouse asking me that year, “How do we get through this without being bitter?” My answer was, “I don’t know, but I’m going to do it!”
I did.
(With a LOT of help from God, my counselor, and some friends.)
The sappiness I feel about now transitioning out of this lifestyle soon seems to be an indicator that I have come full circle. I defined my identity in my status as a military spouse-hood too much and then too little.
I have landed in a place where I have a healthy gratitude for my experience as a military spouse and a shared connection with other military spouses.
Now I see my role as a military spouse as one piece of my identity, not the entirety of who I am.
If you have explored my website, you probably already know I am a huge fan of journaling. I’ve written about journaling before:
I have outlined a way to systematically unpack your thoughts and feelings to get an objective perspective on what is going on when you are having big emotions.
Journaling is one of my own personal tools for staying mentally healthy.
I am a big fan of using my own lessons learned to help someone else, so I have compiled some journal prompts with military spouses in mind.
Maybe your sense of identity as a military spouse could use some reflection, like mine did.
Maybe you are approaching your final years in this lifestyle and need to start thinking about what comes next.
Maybe you are holding onto things you need to find a way to say to your active duty spouse.
Regardless of your circumstance, I hope you find these helpful.
Journaling Prompts for Military Spouses
Reflection
What have been my favorite things about the military lifestyle?
What have been the hardest things about the military lifestyle?
What other military spouses have really inspired me in the way they navigate this life? What is it about them that I found admirable? In what ways am I like them?
What have I learned through this lifestyle?
What are my strengths as a military spouse?
What are my fears about this lifestyle?
What is my proudest moment as a military spouse?
Support
Who are my supports? (Think family, military-connected groups & friends, non-military friends, neighbors, people in your community, counselors, chaplains/church leaders – really reach to come up with a comprehensive list).
How often do I use these supports?
What are the barriers I experience to using these supports?
How can I address these barriers?
Identity
If I had to describe myself completely to someone, what would I say?
How would my spouse describe me? My family members? My best friend?
Make a pie chart of the things that contribute to your sense of identity.
Which parts of your identity do you like?
Which ones are you proud of?
Which ones bring up shame for you?
What was I like before I married my active duty spouse?
How have I changed?
Do I like those changes?
Who am I aside from being a military spouse?
What are my strengths and weaknesses?
You might want to check out one of my past blog posts on identity journaling for more ideas.
Change
What do I wish I could change about this lifestyle? Don’t worry about being realistic. Just make a list.
Then look back on the list and ask yourself which of these items speaks the loudest to you, and circle those.
Which of these items are actually possible to change?
Are there any of these items that would make other items on the list less difficult?
Which of these items am I willing to work on?
How will I do that? (Get specific – who do you need to ask for help, how do you find this type of help, what kind of materials do you need, how much money and time will it cost to do this?)
What do I need to be able to talk to my spouse about this?
Communication
Is there anything I am not telling my spouse?
What do I want him to know?
What do I need him to know?
What is holding me back from communicating those things?
Which of those things feels safest to bring up?
When is the best time/place/way to have that conversation?
Life after the Military
What were the features of each house I’ve lived in that I have loved? What features have I hated?
What were my favorite things about each duty station?
What do I want my life to look like after we are done with the military?
How will I know when we are ready to get out of the military?
What does my spouse think about the timing of leaving the military? What are the important things to bring up in talking about this?
What are my dreams for this season?
Make a map of what your life will look like in 5 years. 10 years. Where will you be? How old will your kids be? What do you want to be doing? What will your spouse be doing? If you are going to do/be these things, what do you need to be doing in 2 years? 1 year? 1 month? Today?
If you would like some help walking through any of this (and you live in Pennsylvania), I am here for you. You can reach out on the secure contact form on my website, or call 717-219-4339.
Jennie Sheffe is a National Certified Counselor ™ who helps women find freedom from anxiety and peace in their chaos. She sees clients virtually in the state of Pennsylvania, or in her Carlisle, PA office. She offers Christian counseling and EMDR Therapy.
