Journal Prompts for Self-Discovery
This is one of those tasks that is simple, but not easy.
When we have years of experience bending and flexing to match our perceptions of what others want us to be, it’s hard to even know where to begin figuring out who we are, what we like and don’t like.
We’ve been denying our own needs and desires. It may feel selfish to even have needs and desires. If we tried to express them when we were little and they were minimized or outright dismissed, we learned that we were not supposed to be needy. We were “too much” or “too sensitive.” When a message like that hits a little kid or a fragile teenager who has not yet developed a solid sense of self in the first place it can spark a frantic quest to make sure we do whatever it takes to fit in with other people.
We internalize the belief that our existence is merely to serve others, to be what they want.
Please hear me on this: I am not saying that serving others is bad at all. However, when we serve others without also taking care of ourselves we gradually reach a point where are no longer serving from a place of authenticity. We are serving from a place of striving, of scarcity. We are serving to get a basic need met, to be accepted, to be valued, to be loved instead of serving from a place of knowing we are enough, we are worthy of love and acceptance. There is a big difference between those two mindsets.
When we get clear on who we are, we can show up for other people in ways that feel good to them and to ourselves. We can feel energized by the ways we interact with people. We can feel confident when we have to say no to things that others want us to do. We can feel unapologetic about being ourselves, knowing that we do not have to be everything to everybody.
It can feel overwhelming and even unsafe to start exploring what makes ourselves tick. Our mind has learned to protect us by looking to others for our value and discarding anything that may jeopardize fitting in. We are hypervigilant to these things, and the slightest hint can trigger thoughts and feelings that we may not even be aware of immediately.
Previously, I recommended journaling to get started with this.
Journaling is a way to hash this stuff out privately, which can feel less scary.
You may feel resistance to self-discovery, because you have taught yourself that self-discovery gets you in trouble. Having your own opinion can lead to rejection. Journaling is a safe place to start because you can try out these thoughts with just yourself; nobody else needs to see your journal.
Here are some journal prompts to get you started on the path to self-discovery:
What was I like when I was young, when I was “myself?” What qualities do I miss about her?
What did I want to be when I grew up? What did I think life as a grown up would be like?
How have I matured?
What baggage have I picked up since I was little?
What unspoken family rules did I grow up with? Which ones do I want to continue? Which ones do I want to discard?
What do I like?
What do I dislike?
What do I value?
What energizes me?
What makes me laugh?
What makes me cry?
What makes me feel afraid?
What are my strengths?
What are my weaknesses?
What feeds my soul, makes me feel alive?
What drains me of energy?
What kinds of people to I love to be around? Why? What qualities do they have in common?
What kinds of people bug me? Why? What qualities do they have in common?
What social causes really tug at my heart? Why? What is it about those causes that really get me?
Who do I find myself wanting to stick up for, to root for? Why?
What do I want my relationships to be like?
What do I value in a friend? In a spouse?
What lessons have I learned from hard times or mistakes? What mistakes do I want to avoid repeating?
What are my goals in life? Where do I see myself in 5 years? 10 years?
What are my dreams? If I could do anything, what would it be? (Don’t be realistic, let yourself pretend that actual barriers like money, time, skill, knowledge, etc. are not in the way.)
It can also be enlightening to journal letters to different versions of yourself:
Your future self:
Give her a name and daydream about what her life is like.
Write a letter to her with all of your questions about how your life turns out, the twists and turns that helped her become that version of you.
Write a letter to yourself from her, offering encouragement to where you are right now.
Your past selves:
That little girl self who was unapologetically herself and embodied so many qualities you want to find again.
That teenager facing a difficult situation and not knowing what to do, feeling insecure.
The self before becoming a mom who had no idea how her life would change with the birth of her baby.
Write letters of encouragement, letting them know you can see they did the best with what they knew. Let them know they grew up to be the amazing version of yourself that you are now. Let them know what you wished someone had told them. Let them know what you learned from them.
Well, that’s more than enough journaling to get you started! Pick and choose prompts that speak to you. Not all of them will directly relate to the boundaries you want to set, but the more you know about yourself and the version of yourself you are becoming, the better equipped you will be to identify, set, and implement boundaries to help you get there.
If any of this feels overwhelming and you want help walking through this process, please reach out.
Jennie Sheffe is a National Certified Counselor ™ who helps women find freedom from anxiety and peace in their chaos. She sees clients virtually in the state of Pennsylvania, or in her downtown Carlisle, PA office. She offers Christian counseling and EMDR Therapy.
