Journal Prompts for Self-Discovery

Last week I wrote about the importance of knowing ourselves before we can set boundaries with ourselves.

This is one of those tasks that is simple, but not easy.

When we have years of experience bending and flexing to match our perceptions of what others want us to be, it’s hard to even know where to begin figuring out who we are, what we like and don’t like.

We’ve been denying our own needs and desires.

It may feel selfish to even have needs and desires.

If we tried to express them when we were little and they were minimized or outright dismissed, we learned that we were not supposed to be needy. We were “too much” or “too sensitive.” When a message like that hits a little kid or a fragile teenager who has not yet developed a solid sense of self in the first place it can spark a frantic quest to make sure we do whatever it takes to fit in with other people.

We internalize the belief that our existence is merely to serve others, to be what they want.

Please hear me on this: I am not saying that serving others is bad at all. However, when we serve others without also taking care of ourselves we gradually reach a point where are no longer serving; we are slaving.

We are striving to get a basic need met, to be accepted, to be valued, to be loved instead of serving from a place of knowing we do not have to earn our value, or prove our worth. There is a big difference between those two mindsets.

I am not talking here about a “true self” vs “false self” kind of dichotomy. I am just talking about the fact that we tend to put ourselves on hold so we can do for others, and over time, we kind of forget what we are all about. We’ve suspended our choices so much that we don’t even know what our own opinion is.

When we get clear on who we are, what we value and why, we can show up for other people in ways that feel good to them and to ourselves. We can feel energized by the ways we interact with people. We can feel confident when we have to say no to things because we are clear on why that “no” is important. Maybe you want to say no to something that doesn’t align with what you value, with your sense of integrity. Maybe you know that saying no to something will free you up to do the things that are more important to you.

It can feel overwhelming and even unsafe to start exploring what makes ourselves tick. Our mind has learned to protect us by looking to others for our value and discarding anything that may jeopardize fitting in. We are hypervigilant to these things, and the slightest hint can trigger thoughts and feelings that we may not even be aware of immediately.

Previously, I recommended journaling to get started with this.

Journaling is a way to hash this stuff out privately, which can feel less scary.

You may feel resistance to self-discovery, because you have taught yourself that self-discovery gets you in trouble. Having your own opinion can lead to rejection. Journaling is a safe place to start because you can try out these thoughts with just yourself; nobody else needs to see your journal.

Here are some journal prompts to get you started on the path to self-discovery:

1. What was I like when I was young, when I was “myself?” What qualities do I miss about her?

2. What did I want to be when I grew up? What did I think life as a grown up would be like?

3. How have I matured?

4. What baggage have I picked up since I was little?

5. What unspoken family rules did I grow up with? Which ones do I want to continue? Which ones do I want to discard?

6. What do I like?

7. What do I dislike?

8. What do I value?

9. What energizes me?

10. What makes me laugh?

11. What makes me cry?

12. What makes me feel afraid?

13. What are my strengths?

14. What are my weaknesses?

15. What feeds my soul, makes me feel alive?

16. What drains me of energy?

17. What kinds of people to I love to be around? Why? What qualities do they have in common?

18. What kinds of people bug me? Why? What qualities do they have in common?

19. What social causes really tug at my heart? Why? What is it about those causes that really get me?

20. Who do I find myself wanting to stick up for, to root for? Why?

21. What do I want my relationships to be like?

22. What do I value in a friend? In a spouse?

23. What lessons have I learned from hard times or mistakes? What mistakes do I want to avoid repeating?

24. What are my goals in life? Where do I see myself in 5 years? 10 years?

25. What are my dreams? If I could do anything, what would it be? (Don’t be realistic, let yourself pretend that actual barriers like money, time, skill, knowledge, etc. are not in the way.)

Pick and choose prompts that speak to you. Not all of them will directly relate to the boundaries you want to set, but the more you know about yourself and the changes you might like to make, the better equipped you will be to identify, set, and implement boundaries to help you get there.

If any of this feels overwhelming and you want help walking through this process, please reach out.

Jennie Sheffe is a National Certified Counselor ™ who helps women find freedom from anxiety and peace in their chaos. She sees clients virtually in the state of Pennsylvania, or in her office in Carlisle, PA. She offers Christian counseling and EMDR Therapy.