How Anxiety Impacts Decision Fatigue and 5 Ways to Get Ahead of It.
First of all, yes, decision fatigue is a real thing.
It happens when our brains are just worn out from having to make so many decisions.
They don’t even need to be hard decisions.
Just relentless, repetitive, and constantly tasking.
Add hard decisions or anxiety-producing situations into the mix and our decision-making muscle becomes a gooey-mess.
When this happens we tend to react in 3 different ways:
1. Shut down
2. Get stuck in a spin cycle of overthinking
3. Set some boundaries so we can take the time to refresh and think clearly again.
We got married shortly after Christmas. It was a chaotic time of year to have a wedding, and God bless our friends and family who took time to even come to it. I had been planning for months, and like most brides, I was doing the lions share of the deciding. Unlike most brides, I had not thought about my wedding much as a child, so I didn’t have this mental file of things I wanted for my wedding. I spent my short lunch breaks on the phone in the teacher’s lounge (we did not have personal internet back then) trying to set up all of the wedding details. I was out of my element planning such a big thing, and the act of making all of those decisions just wore me out. I was definitely stuck in that spin cycle of overthinking.
It turned out to be fantastic; all the details came together even better than I anticipated. I truly enjoyed the day. My husband surprised me with a limo to take us to our hotel, but the reception went long because pictures went long, so the limo driver was apparently getting antsy. I was chatting with wedding guests when my husband and his best man approached, wearing expressions that told me there was some kind of problem. I smiled at my husband, and said, “I am not making any decisions today” and went back to talking.
I. Was. Done. Without realizing it, I was setting boundaries to give myself what I need.
Decision fatigue doesn’t just happen with big events, like a wedding. It can happen all day every day, with the many many choices that vie for our attention.
It reminds me of being a mom with a toddler. It was much easier to be patient with the multitude of inquiries and bids for attention they sent my way in the morning, but by the evening that patience wore thin. Something happens between the 1st “Mommy, why?” and the 7,342nd one. Not that all of that involves decisions (a lot of conversation with little ones is repetitive) but all of it demands attention.
Maybe I also had some more complex conversations with other people, and problems to solve that were outside of my wheelhouse (I’m looking at you, technology and car problems). And of course, the running to-do list in your head (it’s time for an eye doctor appointment, so-and-so needs a lunchbox, I need to think of a casserole to bring to that event, is the cat limping?) By the end of the day, I felt like I did not have 2 brain cells left that could cooperate to decide what to have for dinner.
I am oversimplifying, but the point I am making is that having to make so many decisions all day long takes more of a toll than we realize.
When someone has anxiety, the decision fatigue increases because that person feels like they must first run all of the possible ramifications of these decisions through the lens of their anxiety.
If it is health anxiety, they think about the health implications in that decision and actions they can take to mitigate their risk of infection.
If it is social anxiety, they think about the social interactions involved in the decision, their bandwidth to handle those interactions, and their ability to avoid those situations altogether.
If it is any kind of fear, like a phobia or past trauma, they think through the likelihood of encountering the thing they fear.
If it is people-pleasing, they agonize over the consequences of their decision with each person they are trying to please, especially if the people they want to please would be pleased with opposing outcomes. Or if the person they want to please is the type of person who seems impossible to please.
If it is perfectionism, they can have analysis paralysis, looking for that perfect right solution (which may not even exist). In addition, perfectionists often consider that people-pleasing lens as well because the drive to control how other people see us is what tends to motivate perfectionist behaviors.
With all of these types of anxiety, we will think through all the possible worst-case scenarios involved with any course of action. Anxiety often leads us to live in a constant state of alert, scanning for signs that one of the worst case scenarios might be developing.
Anxiety is a normal emotion that helps us function, but it can become difficult to control, especially when we add stress to the mix - and decisions (regardless of whether they are constant, repetitive, easy decisions or difficult ones that seem to have no right answer) seem to bring the stress. As Fingerprints for Success(1) wrote, anxiety exists on kind of a continuum and can easily progress from functional to debilitating anxiety.
I have been writing a lot about how anxiety ramps up at Christmas since we are in the holiday season. When we have something big going on (like holidays) we have extra decisions to make: what gift to give, when you can find time to go shopping, what events to attend, what to eat, what to bring to the event. All of these decisions are over and above the daily decisions which are enough to bog us down. And, all of these decisions have implications relevant to the anxiety we experience on the daily.
So, what can you do about the anxiety of decision fatigue?
1. Acknowledge that this is a thing. Both your decision fatigue and your anxiety. Get curious about your anxiety so you know when it is likely to get loud. Awareness is often the best first step to making changes.
2. Once you know what you are dealing with, plan for it.
Sit down and write out some coping thoughts you can go to when you are in the moment of anxiety. Keep them accessible, on a notecard in your purse, on your phone, a slip of paper on the fridge.
Think through your day in the morning and identify times when your anxiety might arise. You won’t be able to predict everything, so give yourself grace about that, but if you can predict some of the times you are likely to feel anxious about decisions you can go in ready for it. It won’t feel like everything is hitting you out of nowhere. And when it does show up, you will be ready with your coping thoughts. It can be easier to be on the offensive instead of on the defensive, ready to say, “I know what this is, and we are not doing this today.”
3. Make decisions ahead of time, if possible. Even just the small ones.
I tend to get indecisive around lunchtime. I have been working on really tuning in to what my body wants and needs, but I do not want to take time at lunch to do this…or prepare whatever it comes up with. At lunch, I tend to go for what is easy, which isn’t always what fuels my body. I decided I need to make nutrition easy for lunches so I prep my lunches ahead of time so they are just grab-and-go. I also keep a stash of protein bars as a backup.
Some people like to plan out what they will wear ahead of time.
It helps me to think through the week with my husband ahead of time so we have a clear plan for how we will manage the “parent taxi” through the week.
Writing lists can at least signal to your brain that you are “on it” so it doesn’t keep bringing up action items for your consideration. Maybe you still need to make a decision about the items on your list, but just having a list is a start.
When it comes to the holidays, think through all of the extras that come with the season, and decide what you will and won’t do ahead of time. I wrote a blog post about this last month if you could use a framework to help inform where you want to put your energy this month.
4. Set some procedures in place to stay organized. This may involve boundaries.
We use google calendar as a family. We have the procedure that each person needs to send calendar invites to Mom, and I print the weekly calendar on the fridge. There is a boundary involved with that – if you don’t send me a calendar invite, you may not have a ride to do that thing. Sure last minute events will come up, but if we have a clear idea of the work schedules, practice schedules, etc. ahead of time, it’s easier to flex with the last minute things.
We have a grocery list on the fridge, too. If you don’t write it on the list, I probably won’t buy it. I am not accepting the responsibility for predicting or remembering what everyone in the house wants from the store. Obviously, when your kids are very little, this one wouldn’t be so effective, but even just having a list broken down into categories can help you think more clearly about what you need from the store.
Again, I’ll refer you to last month’s blog post, which offers some suggestions of procedures and boundaries specific to the holidays.
5. Give yourself grace. I feel like I am a broken record with this one. It is a drum I will beat repeatedly, forever. We are so hard on ourselves. When we shame ourselves for not living up to our own expectations or the expectations we perceive from others, it rarely helps.
All of these things are easier said than done. The specific circumstances you encounter in your life may create complexities to following “5 simple steps” to anything. You may need to unpack some deep underlying beliefs before putting these things into motion. You might need some support to try living a new way. That is why I am here. Please call if you want to work with me on an individual basis to get a handle on your anxiety.
Reference
(1) Fingerprints for Success. (n.d.). How to calm anxiety (when you’re freaking out). https://www.fingerprintforsuccess.com/blog/how-to-calm-anxiety
Jennie Sheffe is a National Certified Counselor ™ who helps women find freedom from anxiety and peace in their chaos. She sees clients virtually in the state of Pennsylvania, or in her downtown Carlisle, PA office. She offers Christian counseling and EMDR Therapy.
