10 Tips for Finding a Therapist
Right now it can be an utterly frustrating process to find counseling.
COVID has done a number on the field of mental health, and many therapists have no availability in their schedules. Or they have long waitlists.
Even in pre-pandemic times, the process of finding a counselor could feel overwhelming.
It’s not easy to ask for help.
I remember, as a client (before I was in this field), looking at therapist profiles and thinking they all kinda sounded the same to me. I didn’t know what the letters after the counselor’s names meant. Did I need an LMFT? Or an LPC? Or a social worker? Psychologist? And what is an NCC?
On the websites that list profiles of multiple therapists, you can read about what approach each one takes, but unless you are in the field and know what the approaches are, that usually doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.
Therapists tend to be pretty private people, too. Many do not share too much about themselves on their profiles, so you are left wondering what they are really like.
There is a school of thought that therapists should not disclose too much about themselves because our clients need to be able to “create” who we are in their imaginations for us to be most helpful. There is another school of thought that clients want to know a bit about their therapist before they can trust them. I am in that group of therapists who is willing to be a bit more open about myself and my story – at least on my website.
I really value transparency. When I think of the issues I have had to conquer in my own life, I remember feeling like I was the only one who struggled. If other people had been more open about their struggles, I maybe wouldn’t have added “shame” to the pile of things I had to work on.
I am ok with you knowing who I am, because that could help you decide if I am the right person to help you. I don’t do this too much in session because I want sessions to be about you, not about me.
It has been my experience that clients usually end up choosing someone who looks like they’d be easy to talk to.
It can be nerve-wracking to reach out as a client, and discouraging to have a therapist tell you they don’t have room in their schedule, they are not the right fit, or just not even call back at all.
I hate that this is such a nebulous, difficult process.
As a result, I have compiled some considerations to hopefully make it a little easier.
10 Tips for Finding a Therapist
Understand your insurance benefits and decide if you want to use them.
You may have co-payments or a deductible you have to meet. You may need a referral from your primary care provider. Your insurance company may be able to reimburse you if you see a provider outside their network who gives you a “superbill” (but you would have to pay upfront). All insurance companies work differently.
Not all counselors will take your insurance. Many (like me) do not contract with insurance companies at all. I am pre-licensed, so I am not allowed to take insurance. Many licensed therapists do not take insurance because insurance companies can be really difficult for counselors to work with. There are a lot of paperwork hoops to jump through with each insurance company (and they are all different). Paperwork mistakes can result in big financial penalties for the counselor.
In addition, not all mental health issues are considered “reimbursable” by insurance companies, so the counselor has to come up with a diagnosis that is reimbursable in order to get paid by your insurance company. Depending on what is actually going on with you and your mental health issue, that can feel “icky” and dishonest to the counselor, who just wants to help you.
You may not want to use your insurance benefits. I wrote about why clients might not want to have insurance involved with their care last week, so I won’t go into more detail on that here.
Knowing whether you want to use your benefits or not can help you zero in on a counselor who is a good fit for you.
2. Know your budget for counseling.
You will want to know what you can afford before you start searching, because that can help you decide whether to use insurance or not. If your finances are limited and you don’t want to use insurance, there are organizations like Open Path Collective where you can find counseling at reduced rates.
As you search for therapists, many of them do not list their fees on their websites or profiles. You’ll want to know what you can afford and discuss fees when you make that phone call.
You can ask if they have a sliding scale, which means they have different rates for different income brackets.
Sometimes you can maximize your budget by going to therapy every other week instead of weekly. This type of arrangement varies by therapist, and in some cases it is not a good idea to go to therapy less than weekly, but it is something to ask about if finances are a big concern.
3. Know your schedule for counseling.
Evening and weekend appointments are usually harder to come by, so you have more of a chance to get in with someone
if you can figure out some daytime/weekday availability. Whatever your availability, you’ll want to be able to communicate that with a prospective counselor when you get them on the phone, because this piece could be a deal breaker for either of you.
4. Think about what you are looking for in a therapist.
Some qualities fall into the category of “Oh I wish my therapist were…” and others may be more of a “Nope.”
For example:
If you have some sexual trauma from a male relationship, it may be hard to connect with a male therapist. Then again, if you had issues in your relationship with your dad, it may feel extra healing to have a male therapist who attunes to you.
If you have a certain faith tradition, you may want the assurance that your therapist shares that tradition.
If you are part of a particular culture, you might want to find someone who shares that culture. This is one reason military spouses seek me out – we speak the same language.
You may want someone who will meet in-person, or you might be open to online therapy.
Know what your preferences and deal-breakers are before you start searching.
5. Be ready to explain a little bit about what you want to work on.
Many therapists will offer a 15 minute phone consultation, which helps them assess whether you will initially be a good
fit to work together.
It’s not a very long phone call, so you will want to refrain from getting into all the details of what is prompting you to seek counseling.
The therapist will not want you to explain so much that your trauma gets activated on that initial call. They just need your personal table of contents so they can make sure they have the right skillset to work with you.
If there are things you feel uncomfortable telling someone you do not know on the phone, it’s okay to say so. Some information can probably wait until you are in a session together, but be mindful that if you withhold important information (such as previous mental health history or information about substance use) you may be setting yourself up for a therapist to later discover that he or she needs to refer you to someone with different expertise.
6. Be mindful of your own confidentiality.
When you reach out through websites that list multiple therapist profiles, those contact forms are not always encrypted, which means your information is not the most secure. Sometimes individual therapy websites or email addresses are also not encrypted. I send people to the contact form on my website because it is encrypted and as secure as anything on the internet can be (but my email is not – unless I send you an encrypted email that you can respond to).
It’s a good idea to just share limited details – just enough to get in touch via phone.
There are some therapists who prefer to communicate exclusively via email – so if you encounter someone like that and you are concerned about your own confidential details, make sure to ask them about the security of email communication with them and let them know you are not willing to communicate via unsecure email.
It’s also a good idea to think about who would maybe have access to your email and could see this interchange of communication. For example, if you are using a work email address, or if you have someone in your home who could become violent if they found out you were looking into counseling, you do not want to put yourself in a situation where a therapist would email you. Make sure you let them know that when you leave a voicemail, or do not even leave them your email address.
7. Be ready to call multiple therapists.
It’s not always easy to be able to tell from their profiles or websites whether they are the right fit for you. They can give you more information on the phone, and sometimes will direct you to a different counselor who would be a better fit for you. Sadly, some therapists will not even call you back. Let me apologize on behalf of my profession for this. Sometimes there might be a legit technology glitch that prevents them from getting your message, but some are just really busy right now.
8. Let them know when they can reach you.
Therapists are in sessions all day, and not always able to talk on the phone when you call them. My business number goes to my cell phone, but I am not going to pick up a call from a potential client if I am in the car with my family or at the grocery store. It may take a therapist a day or two to call you back. They may send an email to plan a time for a phone conversation so you don’t end up playing phone tag.
9. Don’t take it personally if a counselor says they are not the right fit for you, and is a little vague about why.
There are several reasons why this could be the case.
He or she may know, from what you have told them, that the kind of help you need is outside their scope of competence. You don’t want them working with you if that’s the case! If you needed an oral surgeon, you wouldn’t want a cardiologist without experience with teeth to try and do the job. No matter how much you like that cardiologist, you need someone with the training that matches the treatment.
It could be that the therapist happens to recognize your name because he or she is already seeing someone who has mentioned you in their therapy sessions before. That could be a conflict of interest, and of course, the therapist can’t betray the confidentiality of their client and tell you that they are seeing your friend/daughter/ex-husband.
Sometimes the issue you are working on hits too close to home for a therapist, personally. Therapists are trained to manage that kind of thing and they get their own support and supervision to make sure they are working ethically if that happens. However, if they happen to be in a personal state where the situation is too raw and they haven’t worked through it yet, it can be a good idea that they do not try to take your case.
10. Interview the therapist.
That initial phone call and first session are not just for the therapist to decide if you are a good fit – you get to make that decision, too. If you don’t understand the approaches listed on their websites, or want to know about the therapist’s experience, ask questions. The graduate school training we get is good training, but we all seek wildly different training experiences after graduate school. This extra training plus our experience with certain populations shapes us individually into different type of therapists. Add individual personalities into the mix, and you have so many different options to choose from when you are looking for a therapist.
There are all kinds of therapists out there, who work in different ways and have extremely varied skillsets and personalities.
Look at the job of finding a therapist as a long-game, and keep trying until you find the one that fits.
It is helpful if you start therapy before you are in a crisis situation. Obviously, many crises are not predictable, but if you suspect that counseling is something that could benefit you, get started sooner rather than later. That gives you time to “shop around’ and not just take the first therapist that can fit you into their schedule.
If you want to start with a free consultation with me, please reach out on my (encrypted!) contact form or give me a call at 717-219-4339. I look forward to talking with you!
Jennie Sheffe is a National Certified Counselor ™ who helps women find freedom from anxiety and peace in their chaos. She sees clients virtually in the state of Pennsylvania, or in her Carlisle, PA office. She offers Christian counseling and EMDR Therapy.
