Did you know that people pleasing is an anxiety thing? And often a trauma thing? And a self-esteem thing?  I can help you figure out what it is for you and figure out how to set boundaries that support your authentic self. By doing so, you will start teaching others in your life how to treat you.

Life is hard and full of stressors. When we think of them all at once we can feel overwhelmed and stuck, because our stress seems insurmountable. We don’t know where to start. I have a systematic way of separating out the stressors and helping you evaluate them and prioritize how you can attack them in a manageable way.

A lot of the issues I have mentioned have their roots in anxiety. Anxiety was probably a good coping strategy for you at one point. You needed to be alert, tuned in to the needs of everyone else, and ready for anything. But it is not working for you anymore.  We can work together to train your brain to react differently to your anxiety triggers. 

Actually, perfectionism and people-pleasing tend to go hand in hand.  People-pleasers don't always recognize themselves a perfectionists, and vice versa. But striving to meet unrealistic expectations, even those that seem to come from within yourself is a version of basing your worth on an ideal you may never achieve.

Are you the kind of person who can talk yourself in and out of anything? It's a strength to be able to see multiple sides to everything. It also can be a trauma response. You can see all the sides but have learned to ignore or minimize your own thoughts and feelings. You don't know what to think. Or, you learned that you had to worst-case-scenario everything so you could be prepared for whatever your daily chaos threw your way.  I can help you take charge of those thoughts, and learn to listen to that part of you who knows what you.... just you...think.

“Not good enough” is such a common, constant thought that permeates our beliefs. We get to know that inner critic and usually find that this part of you is actually trying to protect you from some harm you’ve already experienced in life. Understanding that role can help that inner critic step back and allow you to feel “good enough” even when you are not perfect. I lean on many concepts from Kristen Neff’s work on Self-Compassion as I help you value yourself just as you are.

When I was in grad school I used every assignment possible as an opportunity to research the mental health needs of military spouses. There is no one way to experience military family life, but fellow military spouses do have some baseline experiences in common. We also have a heart to help each other in common. I don't take Tricare yet, but you will not have to explain (most of) the acronyms to me. I understand how service over self impacts the whole family, and how the military spouse is the glue that holds that family together.

It can feel very lonely to be a Christian woman with mental health struggles. We stay stuck sometimes because we assume we just need to pray more. If we really trusted God, we wouldn’t feel this anxiety right? When we do ask for help, we want to know that our faith won’t be dismissed. We want to know that the help we get lines up with our faith. As a Christian counselor, I love to incorporate God into therapy when my clients want to do so.