Journaling for Perfectionism
I know I talk about journaling a lot. But that is because it is SUCH a good option for self-help!
I consider it part of my self-care. Not only does journaling help me get control of my thoughts and feelings, when I take the time to do this I can also be more pleasantly present with my family.
People often do not know where to start with journaling, what to write about. Usually they think it is about documenting what they did that day.
It can be about that, but the kind of journaling I am talking about gets at the thoughts running amok in my brain and sorting out the feelings that respond to those thoughts. It’s about allowing myself to try out new ways of thinking, articulate dreams, solve problems, and send a message to my brain, “I’m working on it! Stop bugging me!”
When it comes to working on perfectionist thoughts, here are some journal prompts you might want to consider.
In what ways am I a perfectionist?
What expectations do I place on myself?
What expectations do I perceive others to place on me?
What expectations do I place on others?
How does perfectionism get in the way of managing my time?
What meanings do I attach to failure?
What meanings do I attach to striving?
What meanings do I attach to mistakes?
What meanings do I attach to “good enough”?
In what ways have past mistakes benefitted me? What have I learned from them?
In what areas do I let fear of failure stop me from doing something?
If I wasn’t afraid of anything (and money/time/childcare was no object), what would I want to do?
How do I procrastinate? How can create systems/routines that help me stay focused when I need to?
In what ways do I compare myself to others? What do I forget to look at when I compare myself to others? (Am I setting my expectations of myself according to their highlight reel or their actual reality?)
Who is not healthy to compare myself to? Is there anyone I need to distance myself from in an effort to reduce comparison?
Who is a healthy role model? What qualities do I admire about them? What is not so perfect about them? What mistakes have they made?
What deadlines am I facing? Where do they come from – myself or someone else? Which ones can I tweak? List 20 ways to change my deadlines.
What do I need in order to tolerate the discomfort of being “just good enough?”
What reasons do I have to embrace the idea of trying to be OK being “just good enough?”
What evidence have I collected that makes me believe I am not good enough? Which ones are true? And are they really true or am I just deciding they are true?
What standards can I lower? What does that look like? Challenge yourself to come up with at least 20 things you can change. If you are sitting here saying, “I don’t know what I could change” just guess. They don’t have to be feasible, just let yourself guess and make a big list. At least some of them will be feasible.
When you catch your self-talk, write it down. Document the things you are saying to yourself about perfection, adequacy, failure, mistakes, productivity, time management, worth. What are some believable things I could say to myself instead?
Write a letter firing your inner critic. Make it nice – she was trying to protect you after all! Thank her for her efforts to look out for you, but let her know you will no longer need those services. Ask her what she might need to be okay with the transition, is there a different internal job she could do? She already notices all the details, she might be great at shifting to a job where she points out all of the good things you do, or all of the ways you can learn from your mistakes.
What mantras can I come up with to help myself redirect my thoughts?
In what ways do I use all-or-nothing thinking?
What do I do well?
What are my strengths and talents?
When I think of things that didn’t go well in my life, what things did go well in those experiences? How did I grow from those experiences?
Journal your wins: Every day write down three things that went well/you are proud of/you learned.
When you are in the heat of beating yourself up for something that didn’t go well, take time to unpack it using the FACETS model. This can help you see it more clearly. Look for your wins.
If you are a believer: What does God think of me? Did He call me to be perfect at this thing? What is He calling me to do? What are some Bible verses I can write down to rehearse how He feels about me when I want to doubt Him?
Maybe develop the practice of reviewing each month (or week?). What went well this month? What did I learn? How did I grow? What mistakes did I make and how did they benefit me? What really wasn’t worth the time and energy I put into it? How can I stop myself from doing that again?
I am a big fan of making lists when journaling, so I would challenge you to take these suggestions and write about them, but also use them as prompts to make lists.
The trick to this is to give yourself a number of things to come up with – I usually go with 20.
It should be a number that feels a little unrealistic, like, “There’s no way I can come up with that many things to list.” When you do this, yes, some of them will be ridiculous. That is ok.
The point is to really stretch your brain to look for ideas. If it is coming up with some that are not at all feasible, then you know that your brain is really doing the work of searching. When you look back at the list, some of them will really stand out to you.
That’s the gold. Those are the things that are screaming to you, “THIS IS IT! THIS IS WHAT WE NEED TO WORK ON! THIS IS THE WAY!”
You can ignore the ridiculous ones, but circle the loud ones, because those are your roadmap to get where you want to go.
Please do not feel like you need to use every single one of these tips.
We are working on perfectionism, remember?
Journaling perfectly is journaling in a way that benefits you.
You do not need to buy a new journal or pens (but you can if you want to). You do not need to use neat handwriting or perfect spelling and grammar. Scribble things out if you want to! Draw pictures if you want to! Let it be a safe place where the pressure is off.
As always, I am here if you decide you want some help unpacking the core beliefs that keep the anxiety of perfectionism going for you. Please reach out via the contact form on my website, or give me a call at 717-219-4339.
Jennie Sheffe is a National Certified Counselor ™ who helps women find freedom from anxiety and peace in their chaos. She sees clients virtually in the state of Pennsylvania, or in her downtown Carlisle, PA office. She offers Christian counseling and EMDR Therapy.
